*This post contains spoilers of It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover.*
Have you ever experienced a moment in which you realized that everything you thought you knew might be a lie? For instance, when you think of there being a fire in your building, you might think you know what you'll do. You'll take the stairs to the nearest exit and move to a safe destination. Or in the event of an unwanted pregnancy, you think you know what choice you'll make. The only thing that's wrong with all these set scenarios and outcomes is that they don't factor in life. They don't factor in emotions and how they impact our ability to make important decisions. Then, when these scenarios actually do happen, all the things you think you knew—they go out the window.
When I first began reading It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. If I'm being honest, I bought it because TikTok told me to. I heard that the last line was absolutely heartbreaking, and I wanted to see for myself. Prior to this, my favorite book was Looking for Alaska by John Green. And yes, there have been books that I've read and loved. But I noticed that I've never loved any book in the way that I've loved a tv show or movie or song. By that I mean that I've never wanted to read a book more than once. I've never wanted to highlight and take notes on the book for the purposes of understanding the novel in a deeper way. In fact, before I bought this book, I contemplated switching over to borrowing books from the library since I've never been one to reread a book after completing it. Books usually just sit in my bookshelf never to be touched unless I have to clean it out to make space for more books that I'd rarely ever think of again.
However, now, if I could clean out the shelves and fill it up with only one book, it would be this one.
Maybe it's because I went into the novel blind. Maybe that's why I loved it so much. It's because from start to finish, I was in the main character's shoes. In the first chapter, when Lily sat on the ledge of Ryle's roof, I did too. She didn't know what was going to happen over the next few months, and because I didn't either, I experienced everything that she did in real time. When she met Ryle for the first time, so did I. When she fell in love, so did I. Even when she hurt, I hurt too. But by the end, when there were decisions that needed to be made, I found myself to be weaker than Lily. She made a decision I don’t think I could have made for myself, and that was a life-changing moment for me.
Because I didn't research the book going into it or look at any trigger warnings, I didn't know what the book covered. I thought it'd be a simple love story, similar to ones that I had read before. I was wrong. While, yes, a love story was the environment in which the novel was occurring, it was not what the book was about. It was about growth, self-discovery, and decisions. And through reading this book, I've felt the need to dig deep within my own mind.
Following the book, I questioned if everything I thought I knew about myself was even true. I questioned my character and my self-worth. Because why, for 373 pages, did I root for Ryle? Why did I forgive him over and over and over again? Why could I not do what Lily was able to? Of course, I loved Atlas too, and I knew that he was right for Lily. But in the epilogue, I still found myself slightly disappointed that they ended up together. Why?
These questions were stuck in my mind for weeks following this book. Still, now, over a month later, I find myself without answers. I have theories but never answers. And perhaps I won't have answers until I find myself having what Atlas and Lily have. Because if I could put myself in the position to choose who I loved, I know I'd want to choose Atlas. But I don't know that I wouldn't choose Ryle. And that's scary.
Colleen Hoover's writing is transformative. It's the kind of writing that can make someone feel something. It can make a reader think and feel and disconnect and connect all at the same time. I'm currently on my second read of It Ends With Us, and I know I'll read it many times after this. I'll look to it when I have questions without answers and answers without questions, and when I find a book that is just as impactful as this one, I'll be the first to yell it out to the world.
Comments